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Dec 23 / Amy

Almost two…

…I respond, knowing what will come next.

“So, when are you going to start working on another one?”

For real. It never fails, this question always rears its head when talking about B and his age.

And my response is usually the same, “I don’t know that there will be a number two.”, which is usually greeted with a sad face or a “Oh, you HAVE to have another one! B needs a brother or sister.” And from what I can gather, that’s a pretty standard response. I just don’t get why everyone assumes that you have to have more than one child. More power to the women that want more than one, but I’ve never been that type. Heck, I didn’t even think I wanted kids until I met Josh!

There are plenty of good reasons for having more than one child, and in that same regard, there are plenty of good reasons for only having one. And I think those are very personal decisions, that should be respected rather than questioned.

I sometimes joke with Josh that I want to quit my job and stay home with B (not that the idea is funny, it just doesn’t make sense for us at this point), but in all reality, I like my job and I like working (most of the time, hence the joking). But if we have another, I question if it’d make sense for me to continue to do so. And I’m not quite ready to make that decision. And I don’t have to just yet.

Sometimes we contemplate the thought of another, and then we’re usually hit with a crazy week of work travel or illness, which makes me glad we’re a family of three and not more. I absolutely adore B, and right now I enjoy giving him all of my attention, and wonder how on earth I’d balance everything if there were another child to care for (it’s not the easiest with just one). I can’t even begin to comprehend loving another child the way I love him, and I KNOW it’s possible, but I still can’t comprehend it.

I’m not the same person I was before B, and I’m okay with that, but at the same time, I’m not sure how much more I’d change if another one came along. You hear of women feeling like they’ve lost their identity after kids, and in fleeting moments I feel it, but it’s not constant. Being a mom of two feels like it could cause me to lose myself even more, and I’m not sure I can handle that.

Having B in our lives is the most wonderful thing that’s happened, and I’m sure I’d feel the same with more children, but I can’t lie, there are so many things I fear about having another, to the point where I’d rather stick with what I know works for us. Call it selfish, call it sensible, call it whatever, it’s just how I feel.

So the next time someone says they only want one child, don’t interrogate them as to why, just nod and smile.

And now I’m going to go cry in a corner that my little baby is going to be a little boy next month.

My handsome, almost two year old.

My handsome, almost two year old.

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  1. Ali / Dec 23 2014

    As someone who doesn’t want kids AT ALL, I can relate to the idea that personal decisions are *personal* and other people should respect your decision and move on. It doesn’t affect them if you stick with one kid or have a dozen of them. You have to do what’s right for YOU, and plenty of people are happy with one kid. That said, you completely have the right and ability to change your mind tomorrow or next month or a few years from now if you feel like it. I never understood why so many people try to convince me I should have kids, and there’s also no reason for other people to try to convince you to have a second one if you’re happy being a family of three.

    Happy 2nd birthday to your little boy!

    • Amy / Dec 23 2014

      Amen, Ali! I try really hard not to ask people if they want kids, I figure if they’re interested in talking about it – they’ll ask or bring it up on their own. There are a lot of people that don’t want kids, or want them, and are having issues having them – and there are a lot of people that want several kids! It’s just a sensitive subject for some, it amazes me how some folks are overly concerned with your decision, no matter which one it is. πŸ™‚

  2. LSpell / Dec 23 2014

    I totally know how you feel, and you put it into words excellently πŸ™‚ I want to print it out and hand it to people when they ask now!

    • Amy / Dec 23 2014

      Haha, thanks girl! πŸ™‚ Feel free to print it out, or share a link to the post. πŸ˜‰ Give M kisses for me!

  3. Kisha / Dec 23 2014

    Amy I totally agree. It’s very hard balancing everything with more than one. Don’t get me wrong I love Walton to death I don’t know what I would be without him. But it’s unreal what changed in our lives when we had Walton. I think it should be completly up to y’all. We love B and defiantly would love a ” neice” just as much lol!

    • Amy / Dec 23 2014

      Thanks, Kisha! I know you’d love another niece (or nephew – cause I’m pro-boy if we were to ever have another) just as much. πŸ™‚ Watching all y’all have had to balance this year was crazy, and we were on the outside! Hoping 2015 comes with less sickness, that’s for sure!

  4. Maggie / Dec 23 2014

    OMG, you nailed it. I haven’t delivered the first one yet and already I’m being asked about the next one. I usually receive negative responses when I state that we only want one child. People can be so rude with their comments.

    • Amy / Dec 23 2014

      Oh my goodness, you’re already getting that question?! That’s crazy! But in glad to see I’m not the only one in this camp with the same thoughts!

  5. Cassie / Feb 13 2015

    I’m having the same problem over here Amy. I just keep telling people that we love the model we got in M so why in the world would we roll that dice again??

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